You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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