i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
