Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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