You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
