He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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