i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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