It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
