Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
