Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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