I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
