I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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