Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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