i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
