If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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