So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
