I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
