youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
