Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
