some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
