Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
