Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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