the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize