he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
