oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
