I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
