Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
