All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The feeling are messing with the penis
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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