WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
