Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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