when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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