i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
