She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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