READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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