why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize