I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
