we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
