So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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