I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
