Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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