I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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