That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
