so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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