I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
