Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
