I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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