after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
