My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
