Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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