I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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