i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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