hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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