remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
