Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She's not a foreskin expert like you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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