my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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