just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
