There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
