Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i was born a porn star she said
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
