Jerry, you need to find god
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
