My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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