I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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