You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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