My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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