Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
