Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
