After last night, I could never be a politician.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
