Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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