I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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