he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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