conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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