Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
