Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
