i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
