you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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