she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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