i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
