I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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