I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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