i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
