Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
