dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
