I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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