Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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